My First Trip to Osho Leela

Last week, I spent the week at the amazing Osho Leela Sexuality Gathering and I have to say. I was quite worried that it may be a step too far for me and many people had given me advice on ensuring I had firm boundaries, I didn’t really know what that meant although I had some interesting conversations with my other half before I went about what I wasn’t allowed to do. That brought up some stuff for me, as my whole outlook now is to be free in everything I do but what does that mean? I also know that I am in a loving relationship and need to be respectful of that too. Sometimes on this journey, I have lost my way a bit, mainly in my head and having my beautiful man stand by me in all the craziness has meant so much and I know we have something truly special.
When I arrived at the festival, my first challenge was to put up my tent up, I have never camped alone, but I was super excited as I love being in nature and having my little haven of tranquility felt brilliant. I walked around the whole site and found the perfect spot amongst the trees which would be my home for the next 6 days. I spoke to a few people and then the nerves started to set in, OMG, I was at a sexuality gathering, what actually happens here? There were people putting their tents up naked and I almost felt at home and thought one day that would be me but maybe not this year!
Over the week, I learnt so much about myself, met amazing beings, had beautiful connections and spent a lot of time in silence. The biggest eye opener was learning all about the world of kink and actually found that I quite enjoyed whipping someone and receiving it too. It was so much fun and it’s not something I have ever experimented with especially with someone I didn’t know. I felt powerful, I felt beautiful and in complete devotion of the person I was serving.
Little did I know that this workshop would trigger me like never before and the laughter and fun from the workshop quickly faded when I headed for lunch and I just felt like I wanted to cry and didn’t know why? Over the course of the day, things started to become clear and it took me back to when I was 17 when I was raped. I have worked on this loads already but never on the physical pain of what I experienced back then. Here I was, enjoying pleasure through pain and it didn’t feel right, that wasn’t pain, not like I experienced then. Later that day, I attended the most profound workshop with an amazing teacher Elaine Young where we worked with a partner and looked at each other’s Yonis. It sounds crazy but my goodness it was so powerful. Your Yoni is part of a huge energy centre that communicates to you and also likes to be communicated with. We tapped into this energy and thought of what we would like to say, I just wanted to say Sorry for never really connecting to that part of my body and for not honouring myself enough all those years ago to acknowledge what had happened and to never tell a soul. I cried, I screamed and released the trauma from my body and released all the pain that I kept in for the last 21 years. In that moment, I felt like I was in a trance, the trauma release shaking has happened to me a lot over the last year, but I wasn’t resisting it anymore and instead I was picturing my freedom, me as the beautiful butterfly as this all left my body. The space was beautifully held for me, my face was held, I was told I was safe, I was loved and I was going to be free. Wow, what an experience and was another reminder of why I am doing the work I do now, I want everyone to be free of past trauma because when you release it, that feeling of freedom is phenomenal.
When I got up on the stage on my last night and sang I believe I can fly, that really did mean the world to me, what an unexpected journey I had been on in 5 days in this perfect location in the Dorset countryside, I never knew that I could feel freer then I did already and I left just feeling so blessed that I was here, that I had met such amazing people and knew that this place would always hold a special place in my heart and I would be coming back.









